Posts Tagged ‘whitney houston’

The 8 Black Gays you will meet in your lifetime.

After reading “A Handy Guide to All Gay Men” by Brian Moylan over at Gawker, what stood out to me (obviously) was that I don’t know many Black men like this. Any one of these archetypes can apply to my Black gay brethren, but by and large, in my experience, they do not. So some mischievous friends and I decided to compose a more colorful equivalent to Moylan’s classifications. Your education begins now.

 

a-skinnyThe Skinny Bitch
This strain of Black gay is typically very young (“green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.

 

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America, this is your Grammy winner. Right here.

I’m only just getting around to paying any attention to the Grammy noms, since my investment in not only popular music but music as a whole and any discussion thereof is diminishing faster than the speed of light. Seriously, the world has gone mad and all I can do is laugh until my sides hurt.

 

Compare the headlines that Beyoncé was nominated for 10 awards while Whitney was nominated for zero and you begin to understand the magnitudinous absurdity at work. And no, I don’t have any particular investment in either Whitney or Beyoncé (although in theory I’m supposed to be genetically predisposed to worshipping them since I’m a Black, gay male–but then I truly do not give first-fuck or last. I’m hoarding fucks and distributing them only for emergency purposes. Waste not, want not.) but 10 to 1 for these two speaks volumes on music, its industry and fans, and our culture. (Even a close comrade says of  Beysus: “GaGa gets shunned in the new artist category because of a bullshit technicality and this nursery rhyme writing ho gets 10 NODS??? Please. She must be fuckin’ somebody on the nomination board somethin TERRIBLE!!!”) Or maybe it doesn’t. Consider this:

 

Nominations for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Ego: Beyoncé & Kanye West
Knock You Down: Keri Hilson, Kanye West & Ne-Yo
Run This Town: Jay-Z, Rihanna & Kanye West
I’m On A Boat: The Lonely Island & T-Pain <—THIS
Dead And Gone: T.I. & Justin Timberlake

 

Have you LOL’d all over yourself like I did yet? One can only imagine the copious amounts of crack smoked and bong water swallowed to arrive at this nomination. But, I think it should win, just be-fucking-cause.