Posts Tagged ‘rihanna’
The 8 Black Gays you will meet in your lifetime.
After reading “A Handy Guide to All Gay Men” by Brian Moylan over at Gawker, what stood out to me (obviously) was that I don’t know many Black men like this. Any one of these archetypes can apply to my Black gay brethren, but by and large, in my experience, they do not. So some mischievous friends and I decided to compose a more colorful equivalent to Moylan’s classifications. Your education begins now.
The Skinny Bitch
This strain of Black gay is typically very young (“green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.
World will implode when new Rihanna album is released.
You want Armageddon? I’ve got your Armageddon right here, Hortense. If there’s One. Thing. all of the world awaits at this very moment, it is a new Rihanna album. Don’t believe me? There is proof all over the World Wide Web. Rihanna enjoys leaving the house looking fierce in crazy shit, and every paparazzi in the vicinity tramples over sweet puppies and old ladies to get a shot. These things do not happen with just anyone. They do not.
In three days, the first of many disasters will have the world in it’s feral grip according to the Countdown to Red Death clock on Rihanna’s shocking website. Then, on November 23, all manner of screeching hell will break loose. There will be stigmata. We will crack each other’s skulls open in search of treasure. And all of my white gay friends will vomit on one another in ecstacy. These things were all foretold in the Bible and Women’s Wear Daily. You will die.