This is how NOT to deny a gay rumor, Solar.


During the time where we all learned about Guru’s heart attack and subsequent passing, I’ve pretty much stayed out of the whole “Fuck Solar” dialog. I didn’t have any particular motive for this, but I suppose I didn’t realize the extent to which Solar was manipulating Guru’s affairs. I’ve also stayed away from speculation that they were lovers, since that’s the kind of dialog the Hip-Hop community at large doesn’t seem mature enough to navigate. Also, it has nothing to do with Guru’s music, most of which I happen to enjoy, and it’s none of my business.


Then this deathbed letter happened, supposedly written by Guru, that goes out of its way to cast Solar in a divine light. We all saw right through this, mainly because Guru was in a coma and couldn’t have written such a thing. Guru’s family agrees. The part that stood out for many people was this:


My loyal best friend, partner and brother, Solar, has been at my side through it all and has been made my health proxy by myself on all matters relating to myself. He has been with me by my side on my many hospital stays, operations, doctors visits and stayed with me at my home and cared for me when I could not care for myself. Solar and his family is my family and I love them dearly and I expect my family, friends, and fans to respect that, regardless to anybody’s feelings on the matter.


The entire tone of the letter reeks of a controlling intimate relationship. So MTV decided to get to the bottom of this and Solar’s response was incredibly fucking idiotic and unskillful:


“That’s untrue, completely unfounded,” he said. “Guru is a family man, I’m a family man. I don’t want to say anything against anybody living a certain type of lifestyle — everybody is free to live their life how they choose to live it — but that’s not my lifestyle or Guru’s lifestyle. We’re straight men. He dealt with women and family. I dealt with women and family. There’s never been any blurring of the lines whatsoever.”


I really didn’t expect this gentleman to possess the mental fortitude to answer a question like this without betraying all types of social logic and potentially eviscerating the English language (he didn’t), but the “I’m a family man” part pretty much suggests that us gays are out in the street fucking, sucking, drinking, drugging and coming up with inventive new venereal diseases that defy modern advances in science and medicine. Sway should’ve responded “Oh you’re a family man? Well, shit then, that settles it! You can’t POSSIBLY be gay. Asshole.” Because, you know, committed relationships and children and other “familial” matters are the exclusive domain and right of grimy Hip-Hop niggas that act like someone’s controlling wife at every possible turn.


So, yeah. Fuck Solar.


What Dr. Dre would rather we didn’t mention.


Sometimes I’m reminded of things (that were retroactively erased from my memory) by consequence of the dreaded Wikipedia Hole. Like a Youtube Hole, one link leads to another and so on until you realize hours have flown by and your initial query was for Boy Meets World. And so I landed at this Dr. Dre video, obviously.


When we think of Dr. Dre, it’s normally within in two specific contexts–The Chronic/Death Row era and the resurgence with Eminem, 50 Cent and his own 2001, but we often overlook what happened in between. Dr. Dre Presents The Aftermath was an oddity not unlike Blood On The Dancefloor in its ill-timed release and sound that unsuccessfully rode nostalgia and a stab at relevance. It’s never regarded as part of the official cannon (not to mention his work on The Firm album). It yielded two singles, though, the Group Therapy track that proposed to rather obnoxiously absorb or undo the East/West beef  back then and “Been There Done That”, where Dre “grows up” and brands the gangsta pose passé with a carefully choreographed tango number. Here’s why it didn’t work.


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Hamburgers are better than pizza and here’s why:


I’ve been sitting on this topic for a few days now, but last night I read Jezebel’s re-purposing of Slate’s Nicki Minaj piece and many things struck me, tying back to this post over at The FADER. Mainly, The Way We Argue On The Internet, Especially When The Topic Is Rap Music.


We are all suddenly idiots when we visit websites. Regardless of one’s age or level of education, anyone is prone to calling someone a fag or a retard during an online disagreement. That doesn’t mean it will always happen, but when it does it’s unfortunate and annoying and drives well-meaning writers and bloggers batty. (There are, however, a number of bloggers that don’t mind this sort of thing if pageviews rely on the endurance of catfights.) Multiply that times music and pop culture, which attracts any variety of fans, “experts” and youth and it doesn’t matter how rich and entertaining your turn of phrase is if you’ve decided Gucci is wack, or dope, for that matter. People largely aren’t reading your opinions to be entertained by them; they want your opinions to be in tandem with their own.


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The 8 Black Gays you will meet in your lifetime.


After reading “A Handy Guide to All Gay Men” by Brian Moylan over at Gawker, what stood out to me (obviously) was that I don’t know many Black men like this. Any one of these archetypes can apply to my Black gay brethren, but by and large, in my experience, they do not. So some mischievous friends and I decided to compose a more colorful equivalent to Moylan’s classifications. Your education begins now.


a-skinnyThe Skinny Bitch
This strain of Black gay is typically very young (“green”) but quickly rises in popularity in his newfound social circle because of his youth, pliability and quick mastery of shade. His goal is to accrue as many enemies as possible since he’s convinced that having enough people that despise him means he’s “doing something right.” He will spend an entire month’s salary on designer sunglasses because he considers them social currency.
Activities: “Walking”, throwing shade, wearing eyeliner, being penetrated, hogging the camera, starting arguments with strangers, making youtube videos, going to the mall.
Diva of Choice: Beyonce or Rihanna (there is no in-between)
Top or Bottom: Bottom.


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Pussy monsters.



Can Hip-Hop be artistic and capable with piss-poor subject matter? I ask this because I think people generally think garbage Hip-Hop is Hip-Hop that isn’t “about” anything, meaning it’s about drugs, pussy, alcohol, murder and conspicuous consumption instead of real issues and affirmations that young Black kids need to hear.


For all my bitching about Hip-Hop at large, I can’t say that topicality has ever been the main issue with me, but I’d rather hear a Slum Village song about pussy than a Soulja Boy song about pussy. That’s pretty much how I delineate these matters. In fact, I listen to quite a bit of Hip-Hop from the underbelly that people may think is “positive” just because it’s non-mainstream, but it’s not. We like to fit things into boxes that make them easier to contextualize. I remember when Erykah Badu wore a dread wig post-Baduizm and everyone shit their pants like it was some kind of grand betrayal, but there was nothing in Badu’s earlier work that implied authenticity based on her hair. How could someone so “real” do something so “fake?”


Same goes for how we perceive Hip-Hop. While it may be true that a more talented artist has a deep well of topics from which to cull material, don’t think for a moment that talent (i.e. “embodying the true spirit of Hip-Hop”) equates messianic intent or even depth. It just means a cat has an innate ability to flip vocabulary and become a part of the music and that his skills aren’t founded strictly in entrepreneurialism and attention-whoring. On the same token, there’s still some shitty Hip-Hop with noble intentions. You can impart all manner of hope and knowledge and positivity and seek refuge in your intentions, but if you lack lyrical panache then your output holds less currency with me than “Every Girl.”


Viva la Pussy Rap!