Look, I understand how frustrating it is for you music industry types to get the word out about MC Shitstain and Yung Filth’s latest “collabo”, considering no one is buying records anymore and there are more MCs than mics. However, you need to tell your interns, A&Rs and other assorted hired goons to stop sending out these dreadful-looking email blasts. Even when I was writing at a music blog I gaveth not a fuck about obnoxious promos for awful rap acts and I certainly have less than a fuck to give now. Why is all of this your subject line?:
Why are you shouting at me in my inbox? Please tell me because I am so distraught that every time I see one of these I could do a Toni Braxton “Un-Break My Heart” wall-slide. There are three bios in this email: One for the artist, one for the label and one for the fucking network that is used to send these awful things. That’s 1,038 words of shit I don’t care about and that ultimately will never matter to anyone. Do the letters “TL;DR” mean anything to you? And then you have the nerve to shout at me in all-caps to “SUPPORT THIS RECORD!” Might your chin be interested in supporting my nuts? Fair is fair.
And, no, unsubscribing from you won’t help because I didn’t subscribe in the first place, nor will replying that you are taking too long to kill yourself. So the only thing I can think to do to get rid of you is creating yet another email filter that sends your shit and others like it straight to the digital ether before it even hits my inbox. But you probably already have 50 other email addresses from which you can harass me IN ALL CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
Your bedroom smells like dirty socks and pee.