In observance of the Oscars here are my reviews of movies I’ve never seen and don’t plan to, ever.
Avatar: Three months later and the Internet remains awash in putrid fanboy jism over this thing. OMG GET OUT OF MY RSS FEEDS, AVATARDS!
I can’t wait for this to be over, but at this rate I fear that won’t be for a while. I mostly go to the movies to see effects and shit blowing up and car chases and all the things that make a blockbuster a blockbuster, at least from a sensory perspective. But I don’t want to see this corny-looking shit, I don’t care how “beautiful” the cgi is. Whenever a movie is not only accompanied by hype and slavish Pop Cultural devotion, but saddled with so-called sub-textual political and social themes (that are somehow supposed to resonate with Americans that are distracted by all the pretty colors, natch) I start to get suspicious. I wish when movies like this came out that people like James Cameron would man-up and say “I just wanted to make a shitload of money.” I’d respect him a little bit more than if he were to take bits and pieces from every movie we’ve ever seen, dress it up in 3-D and manipulate people into thinking there’s more to it than a white man, once again, becoming the savior of a non-white culture.
I will also not be sitting down to watch Titanic, which I’ve successfully avoided over the past thirteen years due to my steadfast belief that Leonardo DiCaprio has always been overrated, shit (again) looks corny and Celine Dion is a pest. Cameron needs to carry his ass back over to the Terminator franchise so we’ll give a damn about it again.
I’ve been sitting on this topic for a few days now, but last night I read 