Ha ha ha, very funny! Except, it’s not, you silly bastards. 2009 might not be the year to spread celebrity death rumors, you know? Not that me and my staff of none possess the sort of righteousness required to shame people into ending their premature Internet grave-dancing, but we’ll be damned if we’re going to join in it. It’s a little morbid, even for us. Listen, Kanye West ain’t going nowhere anytime soon no matter how badly some of us you want him to sit down. Kanye West will continue to make music and headlines and mischief at award shows in perpetuity, which means FOREVER. You hear that? Forever and ever and ever. When it’s all said and done it will be him, a gang of cockroaches and Wall-E. Because they are both robots. Robots must be dismantled but they cannot die. This is science.
Kanye West Death Hoax: “You goin’ too far!” (c) Ye — Miss Info
Ever sit through an interview on WorldStar Hip-Hop and think to yourself “Oh my gee! What does this hip, foolish rap person really mean?” If your confusion has ever lead to countless sleepless nights trying to decipher convoluted rap-speak, then look no further than the clever and immensely useful 
This is how your beefs start, Hip-Hop. You will all remember this day. Not because Cormega has a project dropping today (who knew?), but because he thinks Drake is an insufferable rich bastard and therefore should not be rapping. If you have never sat a little black and white television on top of a busted floor model, or feasted upon Top Ramen and syrup sandwiches for dinner, or shook the roaches from your sneakers before heading off to public school, then you are not Hip-Hop, Drake! If you have not suffered the entire narrative of Ghostface Killa’s “All I Got Is You”, then put the blasted mic down! Find another job, you horrid Canadian tool! How dare you sully Hip-Hop’s good name with the stench of your middle-class lifestyle and honorably-earned, wheelchair-bound Degrassi money? The entire legacy of Hip-Hop is drowning in a pool of tears due to your transgressions!