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It must be hard for major media corporations to find suitable personnel these days. I mean, how easy can it be to fill a position with an employee that doesn’t just need a job but also satisfies the many many requirements? To defer without question and remain alert in spite of the antagonistic environment? Or to stay poised and ethical under the constant pressure that stems from being compared to his/her predecessor? I might be reading too deeply into this job listing for an executive assistant position at Radio One, but when a friend showed me this we both decided that, yes, this looks rather bitchy and needlessly so. I present this listing to you in its entirety with my own commentary at appropriate points. It seems standard at first glance, but take a closer look and it becomes increasingly clear that whoever wrote this is attempting to instill the fear of God into perspective employees. I’ve seen government openings that don’t go into this much detail, and they certainly don’t have an ax to grind.

 

Executive Assistant to the Founder

Posted: February 3, 2010

 

To competently and professionally support the Chairperson at all times by ensuring that all relevant personal, business, legal, administrative, inter-departmental, inter-company and Board issues are dealt with at the appropriate level of confidentiality, sensitivity and care that this function continually demands.

» Ok, first nitpick and this is minor (since a LOT of listings seem to do this). From the outset they imply, either intentionally or unintentionally, that the previous individual to hold this position wasn’t very professional. Professionalism, in a job listing, should be assumed regardless of the industry, so by explicitly using the word “professionally” they are attempting to weed out unprofessional candidates. Only thing is, one never goes “Well I’m not professional so I’m not suited for this job.” Anyone that isn’t professional probably doesn’t know it (until it’s too late) so what’s the point in the making it a qualifier?

Qualifications:

Associates degree (A.A.) or equivalent from two-year college or business school; eight to ten years in an administrative/human resources setting or related experience and/or training; or equivalent combination of education and experience.

Responsibilities:

Support

1. To ensure that all relevant issues relating to the Chairpersons personal, business, legal, administrative, inter-departmental, inter-company and Board co-ordination and relationships are competently and professionally dealt with at all times.

» “Professionally” again. It is redundant, and I stand by that. It’s like saying “the ideal hoagie should be edible.”

2. To be an effective liaison between all the relevant parties regarding the above outlined issues and the Chairperson at all times.

Confidentiality

1. To ensure that all relevant issues are dealt with in the strictest confidence and at the appropriate level of sensitivity to the issue and parties involved at all times.

» I’m having trouble with the use of the word “issues.” This is just my opinion, but wouldn’t “matters” be a better word choice? “Issues” always seems to imply some sort of drama. But of course Radio One doesn’t have any drama! *chuckle*

2. To ensure that when confidentiality is required on relevant issues and by other relevant parties that it is, when relevant, negotiated and ensured with the support of the Chairperson the CEO and other identified relevant Executives.

Administration Scheduling

1. To ensure that all relevant scheduling for the Chairperson is proactively handled, whenever and wherever possible, and that this schedule is kept up to date at all times.

» You hear that? You must “proactively” do your damn job.

2. To ensure that this schedule is communicated to the Chairperson and all other relevant parties in the most competent and professional way at all times.

» Ok, really? First of all, this portion about scheduling didn’t need to be itemized. Further, “in the most competent and professional way”? Sweet levitating Christ, what type of jackass does one have to be not to be able to let someone know when they’re scheduled for a meeting or a trip? Stop being a condescending bitch, whoever wrote this.

Phone Work

1. To ensure that all calls to the Chairpersons office are proactively answered and directed to the relevant parties in a competent and professional manner at all times.

» Again with the professional, competent and proactive. Just let the phone ring, niggas, so they can make an “example” out of you.

2. To ensure that all issues arising from phone calls are correctly recorded, when relevant and appropriately dealt with and or delegated, when relevant.

3. To ensure that the whereabouts of the Chairperson is known at all times as it applies his functions responsibilities and the issues outlined in the Mandate statement.

» I just want to point out that the level of step-by-step approach and detail spent on describing these functions is better reserved for your manual of policies and procedures. This isn’t even appropriate for an interview.

Email Work

1. To ensure that all relevant emails are responded to and actioned in a proactive and timely way (either immediately or within the same business day).

2. To ensure that all emails are only ever sent and/or copied to parties directly requested by the Chairperson and that Blind Copies are not allowed unless again specifically directed and requested by the Chairperson.

» OKAY HERE WE GO. This is the reason I did this blog post. Sending blind copies is pretty much the grimiest shit you can do on the job. I don’t believe in them and have never used them (at work). However, if you have to POINT OUT in a LISTING that bcc’s are not allowed “unless again specifically directed and requested by the Chairperson”, then you are flat-out assuming that everyone reading this is as fucked in the head as the last person that had this job. Also, how petty!

3. To ensure that all emails are proactively “backed-up” and appropriately encrypted to maintain relevant confidentiality of same.

Mail Work

1. To open and action all received mail daily and prioritized according to the nature and urgency of the issue and/or as requested by the Chairperson.

2. To ensure that any relevant filing that is needed as a consequence of the received mail is immediately filed within the same business day.

» Again, they are pointing out in exhaustive minute-by-minute detail how to perform simple tasks. Only at Radio One does opening a letter become neurology.

Correspondence

» NOTE: Email, mail and correspondence are not under the same umbrella of communication, as defined within the context of this position. They could’ve and, perhaps, should’ve been, but as you can see the individual tasked with writing this clearly loves the sound of his/her own keyboard.

1. To ensure that all relevant correspondence is appropriately responded to at all times and specifically in terms of accuracy, clarity, subject relevance, composition, responsiveness, timeliness, (the general guideline is within 24 hours) and succinctness and, also when relevant, in consultation with the Chairperson.

Administration – contd

Filing

1. To ensure that all the relevant filing systems are up to date and are structured in a simple to access and easy to use format.

2. To ensure that all the filing in the Chairpersons office is kept up to date according to his requirements and that only the paper and documentation needed for the current day and/or meeting is out. To further ensure that this documentation is then again immediately and appropriately actioned and then refiled within 24 hours or sooner.

Meetings

1. To co-ordinate and attend all relevant meetings and to take appropriate notes when requested.

» You mean executive assistants are supposed to take notes at a meeting? Who would have THOUGHT?

2. To summarize and appropriately distribute Meeting notes/minutes within 24 hours of the meeting. Inter-departmental and Inter-company

Co-ordination

1. To ensure effective communication as it relates to all relevant issues is co-ordinated inter-departmentally and inter-company as it relates to the Chairpersons office and as requested by him on an ongoing basis.

2. To ensure that all relevant parties have appropriate access to the Chairperson as it relates to effectively working inter-departmentally and inter-company with the Chairpersons office on an ongoing basis.

Self-Management

» Are you still with me? Get ready for the bitchiest, most oppressive part of this job listing. Mainly because Radio One has already assumed that you are an unprofessional jackwad that can’t get anything right. We are all retards in the eyes of Radio One.

1. To ensure that appropriate Self-Management is exercised at all times and as it applies to the overall function. Specifically as it applies to:

• Overall Professionalism

• Judgement

• Poise and Etiquette

» In case you didn’t know, this is actually a position for a debutante.

• Propriety

• Dress code (executive and elegant, includes appropriate grooming )

» How MUCH do you wanna bet “appropriate grooming” means no dreadlocks?

• Confidentiality (at all times)

• Managing Emotions (Emotional Maturity and control in all situations)

» This is their way of saying they will treat you like an indentured servant and you just need to suck it up and stop acting like a beeotch.

• Taking Initiative (may include taking risks)

• Being self-directed

• Accepting responsibility

• Being accountable

» Accepting responsibility and being accountable. Not the same thing, obvs. Oh wait, they actually mean accepting blame for shit that’s only your fault by proxy. Got it.

• Self-critiquing

» “I’m not worthy to walk these halls. I’m low-class, unprofessional and incompetent. I deserve to be abused and reminded how much of a waste of skin I am everyday. I ain’t shit.”

• Accepting and growing with others Critique

• Being objective (when relevant)

• Building and maintaining workable relationships (based on mutual trust and respect)

• Suspending judgement (when relevant)

» Shut up and accept your paycheck like a good nigga.

• Not discriminating

• Being accepting rather than judgmental (when appropriate)

» I feel like they already said this…

• Allowing others their feelings

» You must exhibit “emotional maturity” but if someone else (most likely upper management) is being a bitch then you have to accept it, even though you’re not allowed to be a bitch yourself.

• Extending common courtesies

• Behaving out of a sense of urgency (when appropriate)

» “How high shall I jump, Master?”

• Striving for Balance

• Appropriately delegating

• Evolving self-awareness

• Problem Solving and Decision Making (within scope of the function)

Professional Development

1. To attend all relevant skill building workshops as requested.

2. To stay current with all relevant skills, subjects and materials as it applies to the function of supporting the Chairperson and as the function evolves. This applies to both “hard” skills (relevant internal software and systems knowledge) and “soft” skills as they relate to all the subjects outlined under the “Self- Management” responsibility of the function.

3. To drive your own Performance Appraisal process as supported and formalized by the Human Resources department every 90 days.

» Again, this could’ve been reserved for orientation.

Please refer to job code 977 when responding to this ad.

 

Do I have beef with Radio One? Of course not!* Do I take exception to working with uppity, catty, condescending individuals of my own race that are far too convinced of their own self-importance? Maybe! The devil is in the details, people. The problems I have with many of these items might seem really nit-picky, but add it all up and it amounts to them wanting to hire someone they can talk down to. Fuck your self-respect; they’ve already decided that anyone even considering applying for this job is woefully ignorant.

 

But the good news is, at least there are still some jobs out there!

 

*Full of shit, that one. As has already been stated.

Tags: nigga please, radio one