When I initially posted “The 8 Black Gays you will meet in your lifetime” it was meant as a response to Gawker’s “Handy Guide To All Gay Men”, not a social experiment, and certainly not something to be taken seriously. But, wow, did some of you kids take it seriously! A lot of the response has been great, since most people chuckled and kept it moving. But how long did it take for the Reactive Online Intelligentsia to get bent out of shape? Not very. Although I said I wouldn’t acknowledge the bitching and whining and moaning and misguided attempts to kick knowledge on this topic on my website, it appears that this has escalated to a Very Serious Matter, so now we must box. I hope your arms are long enough to go with me, shorty.
These are not meant to represent actual, living breathing human beings. These are “types.” It is foolish to get pissy about whether or not you are represented on this list. For starters, why would you even want to be on this list? Stop looking for yourself in a stereotype, kiddo, it’s not healthy. The point of these is that they represent characteristics that we perceive of one another superficially, that may not be indicative of who someone is as a person. For example, you can be as many as 4 or 5 of these types at any given moment depending on temporal circumstance–age, environment, mood, etc. Or, you can be none of these at all. (Note: There’s nothing wrong with identifying with some of these characteristics; I share some as well. But viewing this as either some tried-and-true directory of our community or as a grand insult is futile.)
Think very hard about where these classifications and attitudes originated. It was easy to put this list together since being out for fifteen years provided all the research I needed. Please do not pretend that we don’t have a habit of creating boxes and forcing each other into them. It’s in the way we interact socially. We use names like “Butch Queen” and “Feminine Top” to contextualize each other, whether it’s on some online hookup site or at a party. We appraise each other based on waistline, sexual positioning, income, clothing, status, and any number of things that, again, have nothing to do with who someone is as a person. Coming for me isn’t going to solve the problem. We’ve been using these inane titles to identify each other long before this list happened, so don’t get mad now. Acknowledge how we oppress, marginalize, and brow-beat each other regularly. Accept responsibility for how you treat your gay brothers everyday and fail to embrace the diversity in our own community as you flock to blogs and forums to lament the latest ignorance spouted by a pastor, celebrity, professional athlete or politician.
(It might be worth pointing out here that the BGC thread on this topic has a very common refrain: “I’m not on this list but the rest of you are.” I won’t even begin to go over the levels of narcissism and denial that I witnessed on BGC, Twitter and my own comment section as a result of this. It was very telling.)
Once again, who cares if you’re not represented on this list? Join the club, Hortense. Not only do I never find representations of myself in the larger white mainstream media but I also don’t see myself in Black Gay Media. I regularly don’t see people like me and my friends–those that like video games and comic books, or those that follow Eastern philosophy, or those that listen to non-mainstream Hip-Hop, or those that could give a fuck about fashion, etc.–in damn near any form of popular Black gay media. So before you even fix your keyboard to bitch to me about exclusion, consider the real problem. (HINT: It ain’t me, homie.) Also, you might want to do yourself a favor and be a part of the solution. I stopped trying to find myself in Noah’s Arc and continued working on my book, which happens to feature characters I can relate to. I got over it.
Who cares if they’re all bottoms? I’m well aware that these types could have been a mix of tops, bottoms, versatiles, or some freaky unclassifiable shit, but does that really matter? Some of you have preconceived notions about what it means to be a bottom, like there’s some great shame attached to it, or like it’s something we need to be dishonest about. We become cynical when someone identifies himself as a top, just because he might not fit our own personal ideal of how a top should look, act and sound. Based on the way we tell it sometimes, no one could possibly be a top nowadays, since there’s this mythological “shortage” of them in every metropolitan area. Newsflash: Tops still exist. They just aren’t interested in sniffing your trouser trout.
One of our greatest shames is not having a sense of humor about ourselves. Whether or not the offending post was intelligent enough for you is purely a matter of taste; I didn’t expect everyone to laugh and I certainly didn’t expect this to be a precise representation of anyone. But don’t think for a moment that we are above reproach. Don’t think for a moment that we don’t have our own clowns and jesters. Don’t think for a moment that nothing we do is up for lampooning. Your perspective is under-developed (and dangerous) if you believe our position in society is to be mired in misery, anger, reaction, and victimhood. You don’t grow that way. There’s nothing wrong with fighting the good fight, but don’t spoil your emotional and intellectual currency looking for oppression where none exists.
Namaste.
Tags: black gay, i will bill cosby the fuck out of you, mainstream media, twitter
To the 8 Black Gays that need to chill: http://bit.ly/chTJUs [nOvaSlim.com]
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
its not like the article was that original anyway since you basically stole the idea from another website.
And your point?
Much like his comment. There wasn’t one. Let’s keep it mov’n
And scene.
I must say that I admire your patience in dealing with these people. My tendency towards letting the thoughtless get me down is overawed by your firm yet gracious manner. Thank you for the example.
Nobody stole anything. The first list was a rib at stereotypes from a very ANGLO POV and Nova’s was a rib at stereotypes in Living Color.
People write to inspire thought and discussion on every level possible. I’d say the author of the first article would be quite pleased to know his goal was so beautifully and competently accomplished.
RT @070180: To the 8 Black Gays that need to chill: http://bit.ly/bOWUet [nOvaSlim.com]
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @thepbg: RT @070180 To the 8 Black Gays that need to chill: http://bit.ly/chTJUs
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Hortense? Namaste? Go IN, Nova!! LOL
Love the part about bottoms, the biggest joke of all is that all gay men have anal sex, which we all know isn’t the case.
@brijh looks like some ppl couldn’t take a joke. RT @070180 To the 8 Black Gays that need to chill: http://bit.ly/chTJUs
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
@stan2000 Lawd! OMG! Ppl, it’s not that serious! Plzzz RT @070180 To the 8 Black Gays that need to chill: http://bit.ly/chTJUs
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
…and the silence on THIS post is defeaning LOL
All gay men don’t have anal sex?
Straight + Confused.
i thought it was understood it was supposed to be funny and not taken seriously. since when did someone else’s opinion become the the final dictation of who any of us are?
insecure much?
*shrugs*
great response nova.
THANK YOU SO MUCH GREAT GREAT GREAT ………..
Great response Nova-I cannot wait until you post the next round!
@Shawnavery Evans- the silence is, indeed, deafeaning. lol!
Oh, there’s not another round of this, LOL. When I said I was posting a follow-up I meant this. Oops.
Tell ‘em Slim! LOL
I think the bigger point in all this is that Noah’s Arc is Black Gay Media. Noah’s Arc is Black Gay Media. Noah’s Arc is Black Gay Media. I can’t.
@ Nova- damn! lol!
Hilarious! I laughed til I cried…I read it several times and forwarded to lots of my friends!! This was great…keep it coming Nova!!!
Enjoyed the Hilarious article and LOVED your comments/rebuddle EVEN MORE!!!! LOL. So you’re coming out with a book? I’ve got to get details so I can def support, wold love to read more from you :0)