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We open on a dimly-lit, cavernous nightclub on straight night. In the midst of this bacchanalian decadence is national treasure and Taylor Swift-interrupting cyborg Kanye West, who is sporting a convoluted mullet and has gone on a ravenous cocaine binge. After belligerently insisting on paying for a champagne delivery, wastefully gifted upon him by the nightclub owner’s vampire brides, the cyborg realizes that the deejay is playing one of his own songs. The audience, regretfully, also realizes this as the cyborg makes his way through the crowd, interrupting otherwise peaceful club-goers in strict accordance to his M.O. He then bumps into Fonzworth Bentley, who mistakenly doesn’t realize this is straight night. The cyborg suddenly finds himself in a mysterious room where he begins to have sexual intercourse with a woman that has neither watched TV, listened to the radio, logged on to the Internet or subscribes to Tiger Beat, or she would know who this cyborg is and would not be having sex with him. Cut to: The cyborg is back in the V.I.P. area, waking up from a deep sleep on the couch with his pants around his ankles because it really isn’t straight night. He then stumbles to the bathroom and vomits an entire sink’s worth of rose petals. When he crashes to the floor like a pussy, he notices the Aztec hunting knife used to kill Jason Voorhees in Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. As he screams like a pussy, he slices himself open and more rose petals spew forth from his abdomen, revealing an umbilical cord. Attached to the umbilical cord is a disgusting little furry hellbeast that resembles Pat Sajak. The cyborg releases it, setting the Pat Sajak mutant on the sink. They look into each other’s eyes and have a tender moment of unspoken words. Then the cyborg detaches a mini-hunting knife from the hunting knife he just used and hands it to the disgusting Pat Sajak bastard, who then slices open his own abdomen and dies on the sink like a pussy. The End.

Tags: douchebags, kanye west, spike jones, wasteful uses of champagne