Baby, I ain’t trying to nag you. Just come talk to me. You know, we don’t get to spend no time no more. I miss you, Daddy.
SHUDDITUP!
Now that I have that off my chest, how’s all my gals, blacks and good judy’s? Crute? Aiight. Lean in close, I have something to tell you:
WHAT THE HAYLE WAS I THINKING???
I throw myself on the mercy of the court! While I was firmly convinced I had absolutely nothing to say and no life, I spoke too damn soon. As soon as I pull the shades down over the winduhs for hibernation, something happened. I kinda started getting a little bit of a life. And I found myself drafting entries. I can’t leave, the game needs me. So here’s a little Celestial Seasons for that ass:
NY Fashionista: I’m kinda talking to somebody that really brings out the best in me. He respects and understands that I am not ready for a relationship, but I swear when we connect, there is fire.
Plans for April: Art school. I got off my ass and applied. The process is in full-effect.
I had a job interview for a Marketing Coordinator position at a DC hotel recently. I hope I get it, but if I don’t I’m not gonna sweat it. I’ll be in school regardless and I can still look for part-time employment. Not having a job really destroyed my sense of self-worth for a while, like I was walking around wearing job-repellant or something, like the world was filled with Simon Cowells and Janice Dickensons that kept telling me “Are you kidding me with that song/walk? That is by far the worst singing/photo I have ever heard/seen. I would suggest at least three years of vocal coaching/modeling school.” But Fashionista really has been helping me focus on some things. He has a lot of faith in me. He’s seen and heard a lot of things in his life, even though he’s younger than me, and to have him say I have endless potential means the world to me. I also realized that God just wants me to be doing something else, and my constant run-ins with these brick walls is His way of telling me to wake up.
So I guess I’m back, huh? *ducks tomatoes and gives the Peanut Gallery the middle one* Am I young, fresh and new now? Nawh. I feel old as dirt. I started a nasty habit for when I’m exhausted. I took a hint from Nightmare on Elm Street 3 and ate a spoonful of dry coffee (“instant”, you fool, not the grounds) and washed it down with orange juice. It works and it’s not as bad as it sounds. Try it. I’m serious. Meth prices are going up. We can all save some coin with that little trick.
And let me just say, in the few weeks I’ve been gone, the world on- and offline has become total shit. You may want my take on some things, don’t you?
Janet & Justin: Janet, good. Justin, bad.
Gay marriage: The straights are fucking it up. Why can’t we?
Eminem: Ya’ll wanted an excuse to discredit him now you have it. Happy now? Thank your friends at The Source.
John Kerry: If Bush and a dirty diaper were the only ones on the ballots, I’d pick the diaper.
Blogging: Vacations and private journals are the new trend. I do shit differently. (Welcome back, kiddo.)
Kanye west: The review is coming.
Me: Not coming as much as I’d like to.
You: Stop winking at me and flashing your tits.
I don’t buy it when bloggers say they blog just to get shit off their chest and don’t care if folks are reading. Complete and utter nonsense! My shit is online for public consumption. I will run my mouth and you will pay attention. I want to know what you think but I don’t care. I have no illusions about why nOvaSlim.com exists. I am an entertaining motherfucker and this is something you need to know.
In closing, remember the following:
I am nOva and I am by far the baddest mofo lowdown in this here town.
I am nOva and I will fight an old lady.
I am nOva, and I am the Janet, Diana, Madonna and Cher of this business.
I am nOva, and I will snatch a popsicle from your toddler and run.
I am nOva and I don’t give a rat’s ass if you think I am blinded by my own sense of self-importance.
I am nOva, and if you take everything I say too seriously, you’re a fartknocker.
Respeck my gangstuh bee-auch.
“I am nOva and I don’t give a rat’s ass if you think I am blinded by my own sense of self-importance.”
aren’t we all and don’t we all NOT care? well, i guess not but that’s a good philosophy to have.
playing lil kim’s la bella mafia “i came back for you”
wow….things are on the up and up, huh. Glad to hear that you are back home slice. We wouldnt want it any other way.
now only if we could get one of your hostee to come back to this bloggin thang…hmmmmmmm
stay up hostess with the mostest
I am glad u came back for us too, I love your brutal honesty as to why u blog. I guess I should just shut my site down now cause u back…
Don’t fret the job ish either, working is highly over-rated. And like u said, i think something greater is in the works for you.
Ooh…lasers and boxers. This is nice and purty. Rawk on!
oooooh oh! no you didn’t pull a fast one on ole ~SunRay~. ummmhmm. i’ll give you my bitch fest in private. no need to read you in front of company.
i know damn well he didn’t say the straights are fucking it up, why can’t we?? lmbao!! welcome back bro!! u were missed.
Welcome back!
Does that mean I have to stop flashing you my tits, too?
Did you know I luv ya?
MUAH!
i’m glad you back and yes i pay attenSHUN to you.
Welcome Back! I missed reading your entries. You are most definitely the realest mofo!
“I am nOva, and I will snatch a popsicle from your toddler and run.”
)
And I will happily snatch yo’ ass back by the hair and kindly make you pass that popsicle back to my child. You WILL NOT punk the kiddies in my part of town! You big bully, you! *wink*
Glad to see you, nOva… and for the record, I knew your behind couldn’t hold out for too much longer. Too many hits on your page without you having to lift a finger. I knew you couldn’t neglect us for too long. *collecting side bets made on nOva’s return*
Bye, sweets….
So you’ve returned from the deep dark bowels of hell. I think it’s wonderful. Do yo still have the teeth and toe pics up for public display? Those are my daily highs. Were you channeling the Show Gun of Harlem towards the end of the post? That coffee and o.j. trick is gully. I wouldn’t have the heart to go through with it.
welcome back!!!
My son is back!!!!
Now if only: 1) his RSS feeds worked; 2) he got RayRay up outta the funk and get him to blog some more. Ain’t it been like a month? Dag.
who the hell is this “yall” you keep refering to? Is it the same as “you people” or “them over there” or “you know who?”
Just wondering….