(DISCLAIMER: These rants are not aimed at anyone specifically and certainly not any of my dailies, just stuff that I’ve noticed while ending up lost in BlogWorldLand. Overall, this post is meant more to entertain rather than inform.)
Blog Shit to Remember:
- Just because I do not comment on your entry doesn’t mean I didn’t read it. I am generally more likely to read and comment if your post contains one of my current obsessions: the state of hip-hop, male-on-male politics, Madonna, or the Cheese of the Month Club.
- If you are one of those people with a banging-ass layout but can’t write your way out of a wet paper bag yet people flock to your site like you are the next big shit after Big Pussy from The Sopranos, you are the reason my scalp burns. No, really. You are.
- I hate entries like this:
“I didn’t do much today, so I’m not gonna write anything. See ya later.”
What kind of clusterfuckery is that? I don’t mind small posts that provide links, a photo or other media, but honestly! If you are one of those people that have nothing to write, there is a simple solution to this. Lean in close and I’ll tell you. JUST DON’T FUCKING WRITE!
- I change my layout on a monthly basis because I can and because it only takes a few days for me to decide that my page looks like shit.
- This has only happened a few times and I don’t intend for it to ever happen again. Don’t leave me comments disagreeing with me too harshly or telling me how wrong I am or that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. No, seriously. I am all for differing points of view, but I’d prefer that you didn’t leave your shit stain all over my webspace. I will track you down via your IP address and send ten Italians with bats to your spot to bust up your shit, okay? With bats. With the intent of busting up your shit.
- Furthermore, just don’t complain about my shit at all. Your first option in this case would be to sniff a nut. It might prove easier than dealing with me.
- Techy/nerdy blogs bore the fuck out of me. I’m not talking about blogs that are intended to help, such as tutorials or ideas, I mean blogs like this:
“Microsoft has done it again! I am all over this new version of Redundant Software. Redundant Software 6.89 is waaaaay cooler than Redundant Software 6.88! I’ve been waiting for this version for exactly a month, two days and 5 hours! My friends at the AeroSpace Club will be so jealous!”
Dude, get a life. No, seriously. Discover hookers or crime or something…
- I am not the best speller in the world, and sometimes when I am excited I use extremely bad grammar. However, if you are a perpetual pathological non-spelling retarded-ass 12-year-old inhabiting the body of a 30-year-old, then your dumb ass shouldn’t be allowed within thinking distance of a computer. Your blog is the graffiti of the innanet!
- I do not always assume that you are telling the truth, so don’t assume I am either. I have license to “flip it” sometimes, or rearrange the facts to the nearest truth. As long as it’s a good read, who cares?
- The first time I put a pic of myself on my site, someone sent me an email trying to “get up” with me. This will be acceptable the day I post a pic of my ass with the words “Open for business” tattooed across it. Someone has clearly missed the point.
- I’d prefer if you didn’t say bad things (in your blog or in my comments) about the following people: Mary J. Blige, Will Smith the Actor, Eminem, Madonna, Janet, or Christina Aguilera. Talking shit about J-Lo is played out as well. However, I’ll be your best friend if you have bad things to say about R. Kelly, Will Smith the Rapper, Lil’ Jon, BoneCrusher’s titty-shaking self, Nick Cannon, Dubya (WMD’s my ass!), Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, 50 Cent, Ja Rule, or Ashanti.
- Off-topic comments and trackbacks are clearly created with the devil in mind.
- I suggest that anyone doing a blogsite know some fundamental HTML, i.e., how to CREATE A LINK! Some of us are just in it to write and I totally understand that, BUT, if your site looks like the dogshit of West Hell on a hot summer’s day, then me, Karsh, and Donald are willing to provide a little Queer Eye for the Blog Guy. For a price.
This concludes today’s rant. I’ll be back with a more positive post the day I think of something nice to say.
Damn, boy! Got some pent up aggression there, eh? Relax, relate, release. Oh wait, I guess this was the release part.
The misplaced comments are always a drag, but it’s part of the plight (right word?) of having a blog. People can reach out and contact you easily and leave their say. They’re the lifeblood of the blog, as far as I’m concerned. Because if no one’s reading it, then why are you putting it online? And you thought this song was only about you….
Now as far as the layout changes; I love the challenge of changing my layout and discovering new tricks so I can get better as a web designer. I’ve gotten people who loved one layout over another and want other layouts back. Some even suggested I do skinning. But hey, who pays the web hosting fees? ‘Nuff said. Oh, and thanks for the plug!
hey n0va i just sent you an email sorry it took me so long to respond to your email but i hadn’t checked that email since week before last, but i hope that helps you out. holla if you need anything else.
oh i’ll be back to read this post got to do some “work” then i can surf the inet
Ha! I <3 you. This was really good.
a double standard for heroes?
Miscellaneous links from my first trip around the web this morning: you and nOva in the blogosphere. just some rules to help you overstand. 34 year-old virgins? In Essence? I’m with Brick on this one. And this is an interesting
nOvito! You just got back from a nice vacation in Cali, what happened sweets? Who got your boxers in a bundle, lovelies?
) I hope you have a better day manana! Ummm, did you get my response to you on Lesser’s page? Your toeseys had me in a trance! I sawwyy! 
)
)
You went off today!!!!
dang you done shot off, but i like it. be sure to check ur email!
I just wanted to say I didn’t like this post at all and it was *entirely* too negative!! Especially #s 5 and 6!
*haha*
this is my grip about the blog world….
“If you are one of those people with a banging-ass layout but can’t write your way out of a wet paper bag yet people flock to your site like you are the next big shit after Big Pussy from The Sopranos, you are the reason my scalp burns. No, really. You are.”
or your one of those peeps that have a banging layout but you plagerize every got damn word…..bitches get outta here! that shit kills me…then you got the nerve to write “this is something i was thinking about”
liked that alot!
Bloggier Than Thou
nOva touched on it. The Gothamist put their spin on it. The Weblog Awards are somewhat implying it. How to write a blog. Or journal. Or whatever you wanna call it….