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While talking with my BGBs about love last night, an interesting sentiment was raised: Do us single folk need a man?
Well, way deep down inside, I say emphatically “No!” The want far outweighs the need, and the want is only 50% of the time for certain things. I mean, honestly, even women don’t need men to procreate these days. So how is the want for a companion confused with the need for one?
I respect the power of love and regardless of what I may have posted before, I think love is grand. I jokingly refer to myself as a “love hater” but the whole thing enchants me. It’s the getting there that’s so damn hard. I think when we’re in love, it’s nice to feel like we need the other person. Needing someone you’re already in a relationship with is okay, needing a man you’ve never met is something totally different.
There’s the sex thing. Not just busting a nut but actual fornication with another human being, which may constitute a need. But sometimes that doesn’t even feel good to me unless it’s with someone I love or at least have a long-standing rapport with, so I’m back to square one again.
After stating the type of person I’d like to connect with and how, a question was presented: “Well, what are you giving?”
Giving? I hope this didn’t mean anything tangible, because that would be downright shallow, so I will give the benefit and assume it meant other things. In either case, I wasn’t too comfortable with this question. Not because of what I have (or don’t have) to offer, but simply because it’s not the sort of thing one should have to think about. Whenever I enter into a new relationship, I shouldn’t have to wonder what I am going to bring to the table. It should never come into question, especially since I am not after a full-fledged LTR right now.
I think that’s where the confusion comes in and why many relationships/companionships fail. I am not in this for “stuff” or to be validated as a living breathing human being. The most important things to me at this point are the ability to connect and have mutual understanding, to respect one another as people and men, and to be able to communicate without feeling like I’m walking on landmines.
I’m pretty up front with men when it comes to the type of relationship I am after and where my mind is. Sad part is, a lot of others aren’t and they let certain feelings fester and get out of control until there’s nothing left to do but argue, fuss and fight. I’m not into drama in a relationship and I will prevent unnecessary drama at all costs. I am not perfect, in fact I think I’m the complete opposite of perfect. However, I feel like making your feelings plain off the top is the best policy.
Being in a relationship, I could take it or leave it. Am I walking around in the daytime with a flashlight looking for the man that will love me and take care of me and treat me like I’m the reason the sun rises in the morning? No. I’m still getting to know myself as a person, and if I happen to go out on a date or form some sort of psuedo-relationship along the way, then that’s cool too. But he just needs to be man enough not to tune me out when I give him the answers to the questions he really has.