In accordance with nOvaSlim.com being fairly controversial, I feel it is my duty to review movies that would be considered controversial if this were a purely conservative/Christian world.
Have you ever seen Rules Of Attraction? No? Then what exactly is your malfunction?
Rules is based on the Bret Easton Ellis novel of the same name about a “somewhat” love triangle at a northeastern liberal arts college. James Van Der Beek (the James Van Ber Beek from Dawson’s Creek) plays Sean, the campus drug dealer. Shannon Sossman plays Lauren, the girl that makes virginity look cool. And Ian Somerhauder plays Paul, the sexually liberated and desperate homosexual in the film.
*Why does a movie about promiscuous white kids doing bumps, smoking weed, drinking Jack out of the bottle and giving their professors top-piece matter to the visitors of nOvaSlim.com? Why are you reviewing this movie if it came out last year? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, NOVA?*
Well, I am into offbeat movies and this tops the list of offbeat movies, probably because it was penned by the same lunatic that wrote American Psycho. Paul is in love with Sean, but Sean is in love with Lauren. Lauren wants to lose her virginity to Walker but might settle for Sean. Let the games begin. I can’t say there is really much of a plot in this movie but I will submit that the dialogue is cynical and biting, the acting is superb and the cinematography is wicked. They do this innovative thing where they merge a split-screen into a whole shot with tricky camera angles and CGI. You need to see it to believe it. AND, this is the only movie I’ve ever seen that includes promiscuous sex, drug use, suicide, masterbation, male full-frontal nudity and machete violence all in the same film. I also won’t forget to mention that the GQ (gay quotient) is pretty high.
But if you are not into snappy dialogue, good acting or wicked cinematography, here are the TOP 6 REASONS to see this movie anyway:
1. Two guys dancing to George Michael’s “Faith” in their underwear.
2. The knowledge that Jessica Biel’s character banged the defensive and offensive lines of the school football team, as well as every other male on campus but the gay guy.
3. Seeing Fred “Wonder Years” Savage inject drugs into his big toe.
4. A hilarious cameo by Swoozie Kurtz and Faye Dunaway.
5. Seeing James Van Der Beek make out with another guy.
6. Funny-ass commentary by Carrot Top on the DVD.
This is an artsy film, but it’s not an art film. So don’t get mad at me when the ending pisses you off and trot over to nOvaSlim.com twirling your fingers and popping your neck leaving comments about how upset you are that I reccomended it, ’cause I will delete it.
In the meantime, I plan to get the shirt that the character of Paul was wearing that said “Masturbation is not a Crime.” TOO. DAMN. CUTE.
OFFICIAL FILM SITE: www.rulesofattraction.com
